Post by Kitty Lehman on Nov 13, 2014 22:34:21 GMT
Bank 2: f200200000000863
Kernel panic: CPU context corrupt
This store is literally so glitched that the complete description of the store keeps vanishing from memory. It's some kind of shack with no storekeep where the items are displayed on elaborate pedestals with price tags, and impossible to remove without leaving behind the appropriate amount of boonies.
ItEMS [ExCeption: Stack Ov erfLO]w
</div></font>The Hardest Ever (The T.H.E) - 500B - An silvery block that is literally the hardest. Ever. If the Moh scale of hardness goes from 1-10 this item gets a 420. It's so insanely hard it actually begins to boggle the mind, it's that ridiculous. When deployed anybody in a thread looking the way of this item is confuzzled for one round, barely able to do anything while they force themselves to stop beholding how hard this thing is. Unfortunately this item does not discriminate, and it's majesty will stun allies and even the person who deployed it in the first place. Being so hard this item is also very difficult, as in it usually does not cooperate with anything. It's not alchemizable and also resists attempts to be actually used for anything besides a passive testament to it's own hardness. As in, if you try to come up with another use for The T.H.E it will literally change reality to ensure that the attempt doesn't work. Ain't that hard?
Overtyper - 220B - If you've ever accidentally toggled that Windows mode that causes your cursor location to automatically overwrite any characters written after it you'll know how this computer works. This otherwise normal shades-computer has a document already opened up called 'they die first.doc' with the twelve eleven remaining planet consort types written out and your cursor right on the first letter. For each consort type you overwrite in this document because of the perma-overtyper mode a consort of that description will pop into existence next to you, offer you 1 random item (IC, no Player Store items) worth 30B or less from any non-player store in existence, then wander off to do fuck-all. After all 11 consorts have been summoned the document closes itself and is automatically perma-deleted, and the shades continue to function as a regular computer with an aggravating typing feature.
Undertyper - 150B - A freakily glitched out version of the Overtyper, the screen of the shades all pixellated. It loses all of it's normal dubiously useful functions. When you use the Undertyper as a computer it summons the letters you type into it as person-sized letters in reality, in Comic Sans font and in the most eyewatering color combinations possible. These letters have a fair amount of mass to them, and if used correctly the Undertyper is a weirdly effective weapon.
Customized Skin V3 -Some Obscene Price 120B - Allows the purchaser to recolor and style their physical skin with whatever horrible idea they see fit. Want to be green with pink polka dots with Doge faces in them? WTF, but sure! There are no limits to the BS that you can pull with this purchase, except the limits of social decency.
Thick Air - 120B - This vial contains the corrupt code that was once a bit of living wind. When poured out this item causes all the air within a few cubic yards to convert to a viscous jelly. Which is still somehow breathable, so nobody dies or anything. But it's really gross, for one thing, and it also slows up movement considerably while the affected is forced to worm their way out of the gel, or forces an ability usage to burn the gel away.
Con Air - Nope not even
FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU - 650B - UUUUUUUUUUU. This item is an oddly shaped slab of meat that is pure red and gives you the odd urge to headbutt it instead of eating it. When consumed this item grants you the unique power of, once per thread, dissociating into an unaffectable pile of pixels when feeling a particularly strong emotion like rage, fear, the extreme need to use the bathroom, etc. You and your items reassemble in any configuration you please the next round.
Ten-Galileo Hat - 215B - A cowboy's hat with a bad quality cutout of Galileo Galilei's face crudely taped to it. When worn this hat grants a slight boost to mental acuity and wisdom. It also has the oddly specific function of radically increasing the likelihood of you being put under house arrest by a religious authority, if one even existed in the Glitch. Isn't there like, a Glitch Church or something? Maybe they'll come after you, I dunno.
droS - Negative 300B - Literally Sord rotated 180 degrees in Photoshop. Somehow this makes it a completely different item. You actually get payed to take the item, but droS is a curse in disguise. It is so unspeakably shitty that it permanently welds itself into the sylladex spot it occupies and is impossible to remove for the duration of the curse. This presence of jpeg artifacts screws up the functioning of your sylladex. It makes it so that for the duration of the next thread started after purchasing droS when you declare you remove something from your sylladex it does not actually show up until 1 post/turn after you said you removed the item. After the thread is completed droS vanishes in a poof of broken dreams and your sylladex is freed of the taint.
Chafed Orb Of The White King's Scepter - 1000B - This clouded-over and dusty ball is still either vaguely or intimately familiar to anybody player who was a Prospitian dreamer in their old session. It pulsates with a vaguely noble aura, the clouds within delicately swirling to crowd around whatever spot the orb is touched in or held by. This item allows for a once per thread modulation of a faction reputation of your choice to 50. All members of said faction in the thread unquestioningly accept you as a sudden friend, talking proudly about how you 'redeemed yourself' and 'found the right path after all'. This effect lasts until the thread is over or until you take any overtly hostile action against a member of the falsely friendly faction.
Corrupted Special Someone Fireworks - 350B - A set of fireworks similar to the ones sold in another certain player store. When shot in whatever direction they explode into a color negative version of the explosion effect outlined in the normal version of this item, and then they give every enemy who sees the explosion a distracting and powerful simulacrum of the feelings associated with whatever quadrant rocket was shot, directed towards whoever shot the rocket. Lasts for 2 consecutive posts (of the shooter). Purchase includes a set with one rocket of each quadrant, one time use for each.
Kernel panic: CPU context corrupt
This store is literally so glitched that the complete description of the store keeps vanishing from memory. It's some kind of shack with no storekeep where the items are displayed on elaborate pedestals with price tags, and impossible to remove without leaving behind the appropriate amount of boonies.
ItEMS [ExCeption: Stack Ov erfLO]w
</div></font>The Hardest Ever (The T.H.E) - 500B - An silvery block that is literally the hardest. Ever. If the Moh scale of hardness goes from 1-10 this item gets a 420. It's so insanely hard it actually begins to boggle the mind, it's that ridiculous. When deployed anybody in a thread looking the way of this item is confuzzled for one round, barely able to do anything while they force themselves to stop beholding how hard this thing is. Unfortunately this item does not discriminate, and it's majesty will stun allies and even the person who deployed it in the first place. Being so hard this item is also very difficult, as in it usually does not cooperate with anything. It's not alchemizable and also resists attempts to be actually used for anything besides a passive testament to it's own hardness. As in, if you try to come up with another use for The T.H.E it will literally change reality to ensure that the attempt doesn't work. Ain't that hard?
Overtyper - 220B - If you've ever accidentally toggled that Windows mode that causes your cursor location to automatically overwrite any characters written after it you'll know how this computer works. This otherwise normal shades-computer has a document already opened up called 'they die first.doc' with the twelve eleven remaining planet consort types written out and your cursor right on the first letter. For each consort type you overwrite in this document because of the perma-overtyper mode a consort of that description will pop into existence next to you, offer you 1 random item (IC, no Player Store items) worth 30B or less from any non-player store in existence, then wander off to do fuck-all. After all 11 consorts have been summoned the document closes itself and is automatically perma-deleted, and the shades continue to function as a regular computer with an aggravating typing feature.
Undertyper - 150B - A freakily glitched out version of the Overtyper, the screen of the shades all pixellated. It loses all of it's normal dubiously useful functions. When you use the Undertyper as a computer it summons the letters you type into it as person-sized letters in reality, in Comic Sans font and in the most eyewatering color combinations possible. These letters have a fair amount of mass to them, and if used correctly the Undertyper is a weirdly effective weapon.
Customized Skin V3 -
Thick Air - 120B - This vial contains the corrupt code that was once a bit of living wind. When poured out this item causes all the air within a few cubic yards to convert to a viscous jelly. Which is still somehow breathable, so nobody dies or anything. But it's really gross, for one thing, and it also slows up movement considerably while the affected is forced to worm their way out of the gel, or forces an ability usage to burn the gel away.
Con Air - Nope not even
FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU - 650B - UUUUUUUUUUU. This item is an oddly shaped slab of meat that is pure red and gives you the odd urge to headbutt it instead of eating it. When consumed this item grants you the unique power of, once per thread, dissociating into an unaffectable pile of pixels when feeling a particularly strong emotion like rage, fear, the extreme need to use the bathroom, etc. You and your items reassemble in any configuration you please the next round.
Ten-Galileo Hat - 215B - A cowboy's hat with a bad quality cutout of Galileo Galilei's face crudely taped to it. When worn this hat grants a slight boost to mental acuity and wisdom. It also has the oddly specific function of radically increasing the likelihood of you being put under house arrest by a religious authority, if one even existed in the Glitch. Isn't there like, a Glitch Church or something? Maybe they'll come after you, I dunno.
droS - Negative 300B - Literally Sord rotated 180 degrees in Photoshop. Somehow this makes it a completely different item. You actually get payed to take the item, but droS is a curse in disguise. It is so unspeakably shitty that it permanently welds itself into the sylladex spot it occupies and is impossible to remove for the duration of the curse. This presence of jpeg artifacts screws up the functioning of your sylladex. It makes it so that for the duration of the next thread started after purchasing droS when you declare you remove something from your sylladex it does not actually show up until 1 post/turn after you said you removed the item. After the thread is completed droS vanishes in a poof of broken dreams and your sylladex is freed of the taint.
Chafed Orb Of The White King's Scepter - 1000B - This clouded-over and dusty ball is still either vaguely or intimately familiar to anybody player who was a Prospitian dreamer in their old session. It pulsates with a vaguely noble aura, the clouds within delicately swirling to crowd around whatever spot the orb is touched in or held by. This item allows for a once per thread modulation of a faction reputation of your choice to 50. All members of said faction in the thread unquestioningly accept you as a sudden friend, talking proudly about how you 'redeemed yourself' and 'found the right path after all'. This effect lasts until the thread is over or until you take any overtly hostile action against a member of the falsely friendly faction.
Corrupted Special Someone Fireworks - 350B - A set of fireworks similar to the ones sold in another certain player store. When shot in whatever direction they explode into a color negative version of the explosion effect outlined in the normal version of this item, and then they give every enemy who sees the explosion a distracting and powerful simulacrum of the feelings associated with whatever quadrant rocket was shot, directed towards whoever shot the rocket. Lasts for 2 consecutive posts (of the shooter). Purchase includes a set with one rocket of each quadrant, one time use for each.
serVICes [exCEpti
Glitch Cleansing - (Price Varies) - Removes glitching from an item, restoring it to... something. The process isn't perfect and there are no guarantees.
Glitch Invoking - (Price Varies) - Adds a glitch to an item. For any item the effect is completely uncertain, but for an item that is already considered glitched (which obviously includes every item in this store) the effects of this service can be very very drastic.
Glitch Invoking - (Price Varies) - Adds a glitch to an item. For any item the effect is completely uncertain, but for an item that is already considered glitched (which obviously includes every item in this store) the effects of this service can be very very drastic.