Post by Kitty Lehman on Dec 27, 2014 22:02:27 GMT
PROLOGUE
(wait what)
It was a dark and stormy night... wait shit this is Skaia dark and stormy nights aren't possible. Anyways, this is the first floor of a small and apparently very drafty guard tower in a lonely corner of the planet where shitty pop music can constantly be heard blaring. Skrillex and Beiber and other things that cause everyone on the internet to go berserk for some reason, and things like that. When you enter the tower itself you find that the interior that you can access (the rest is locked by key) follows the general theme of the audible ambiance by being completely terrible. There are cutouts of memes, jpeg artifacts, and fancy santas as far as the eye can see. The storekeepers are a plethora of consorts from almost every single planet who are completely incomprehensible because they all speak at once and flock around you showing off their various wares, organized haphazardly in piles on the floor. From what you can get they have been inspired by the 'art of trolling', whatever that's supposed to mean, by the Lady of the Tower, whoever she's supposed to be(hint check my signature) (no longer a relevant hint).
(wait what)
It was a dark and stormy night... wait shit this is Skaia dark and stormy nights aren't possible. Anyways, this is the first floor of a small and apparently very drafty guard tower in a lonely corner of the planet where shitty pop music can constantly be heard blaring. Skrillex and Beiber and other things that cause everyone on the internet to go berserk for some reason, and things like that. When you enter the tower itself you find that the interior that you can access (the rest is locked by key) follows the general theme of the audible ambiance by being completely terrible. There are cutouts of memes, jpeg artifacts, and fancy santas as far as the eye can see. The storekeepers are a plethora of consorts from almost every single planet who are completely incomprehensible because they all speak at once and flock around you showing off their various wares, organized haphazardly in piles on the floor. From what you can get they have been inspired by the 'art of trolling', whatever that's supposed to mean, by the Lady of the Tower, whoever she's supposed to be
CHAPTER 1 - THE STORE
What Sucks Now (TL;DR, The Store Theme): Yooooooouuuuu
For all of these items specify a personal motif when ordering, and the item will be designed to that appearance. But remember, your taste sucks.
(4 In Stock, 1 sold to caffinatedmentalist)
Give Yourself A Hand - 300B - Specify weaponkind when ordering. These weapons will always return to you at high speeds if not in your possession no matter how far it is or what stands between you and it. It will obviously take longer if there are notable obstacles like being tied down or being in a cage or something, but it has fairly potent spatial bending powers to escape stuff like this. You however do not have access to these space bending powers. Because you suck.
(Note that this weapon can potentially hurt you on it's way back and we take no responsibility for this. Pissing off the GM in charge of your thread while using this weapon is thus not advised.)
(2 In Stock)
Weapon Of The Philosopher King - 600B - Specify weaponkind when ordering. This nobly crafted weapon emits a powerful aura that supernaturally bolsters your apparent trustworthiness and competence. In short, when speaking while holding this weapon you have a great chance of naturally compelling people to believe whatever you are saying provided they don't actively attempt to counteract the process with some form of active effect. However, this effect only works for things that you say that are related to you. Your beliefs, your skills, your history, whatever. Player Permission effect, it goes without saying.
(5 In Stock)
I Wanna Be The Guy - 200B - An incredibly wicked looking spike that can be attached (doesn't need to be alchemized) to any weapon of your choice. When this part of the weapon is stabbed into an NPC enemy said enemy gains a rather nasty power boost but also you gain a guaranteed reward for defeating that enemy and increased likelihood of it being something good. This only works, however, if you and you alone are responsible for defeating the enemy with it's bolstered power. Also, you blow up messily if you somehow lose to the NPC you've tagged. No effect against player enemies.
(5 In Stock)
Oh Baby A Triple - 300B - A weapon mod (doesn't need to be alchemized) that manifests as a scope for ranged weapons and handle padding for melee weapons. This modification makes it so that your weapon steals the energy from a fallen enemy if you and you alone deal the killing blow, thus significantly increasing the latent power behind the blows from the weapon for the rest of the thread. If you ever miss a killing blow for the remainder of that thread the weapon loses all the extra power it has stored up.
(2 In Stock, 1 sold to Lady)
Me's A Crowd - 550B - A small ruby-studded ring that when invoked summons up to three intangible (as in they cannot affect tangible objects) clones of yourself that you have no control over, they are completely sentient and act just like you but the user does not inherently control them. You will probably learn how much of a dick you are when using these, as a result. Unique interactions with Heart and Time players:
Heart players CAN control the clones since they're very used to splinter self shit. Just to fuck with them however, the price goes up to 750B.
Time players can use Me's A Crowd on both themselves and their time clones independently. So if you have two time clones running around in a thread, they can also have up to three clones of themselves running around in turn. I cannot even fathom how horrible this could get but it's hilarious.
(2 In Stock, 1 sold to Lady)
I'd So Do Me - 550B - A small topaz-studded ring that when invoked summons a single, tangible opposite-gendered version of the user. You have no control over that summons actions, they are considered a separate being and there may be some minor differences due to hormonal changes and throughput. For example, they may be hotter than you and way out of your league. Scratch that, they are definitely that. Heart players cannot control this clone as it is marginally different enough from you.
(5 In Stock)
YOUniversity Cap And Gown - 200B - A cap with tassel and graduation gown that probably give horrible flashbacks of any graduation your character may or may not have suffered. When worn these items grant a significant increase to self-awareness and ability to healthily ruminate on your own past and mistakes, possibly meaning character development. Obviously this item is completely useless because we're here to fight and destroy shit, not become better people. Thus the low price. Hell, nobody is buying this shit let's just all be honest.
(2 In Stock)
YOU-Boat - 950B - A full sized flying submarine of WWII tech-levels that is magically keyed so that only you and those you allow can enter the inside of it. If attacked from the outside and breached those going inside will find nothing but empty rooms. It's a bit cramped in there but there are several fully functioning rooms like a kitchen and bedroom. There's also torpedoes, because fuck if there's ever a submarine without torpedoes. The YOU-Boat can launch up to four torpedoes in a thread before it needs to be reloaded, which the owner must expend a day's worth of time to reload from the infinite arsenal within.
(Unlimited Stock, 1 sold to Lady)
Loathing, By Self - 150B - A small crystal bottle of perfume that when sprayed smells of paralyzing failure, indecision, and B.O. But mostly, B.O. On top of making you hideously unattractive for a while this item also helps to alchemize items that are self-defeating in nature but bolsters the power of any existing ally effects.
(Unlimited Stock, 1 sold to Lady)
The Four Humors - 150B Per Pack - A pack of cutely wrapped candy chews that are purported to have temporary mood changing properties (for one thread) when consumed. These candies only work for the purchaser, they do not work for others and become regular candies if eaten by them. Each pack comes with four dime-sized chews of any specified color combination, one of each or whatever else the purchaser desires.
Sanguine Strawberry - Livens mood and makes the user more optimistic and short-term pleasure seeking slash flighty and unreliable.
Choleric Cherry - Makes the user more intense, impulsive, and ambitious, headstrong and more confident (to the point of hubris) in their actions, along with some amount of attention seeking.
Melancholic Mango - Makes the user more withdrawn and inwardly-focused, their determination and focus significantly increase but they become somewhat suspicious and paranoid.
Phlegmatic Papaya - The user becomes more peaceful and content, with a certain amount of precocious wisdom coming to the forefront, but they also become more passive and less likely to actually do anything with their new-found wisdom.
Epilogue - Worse Than Harry Potter's
(Oh snap that burn tho)
The Memetic Mutator - An alchemiter mod left on by The Lady Of The Tower (hint it's Hye-Jin, RIP The Lady Of The Tower) which has the unique power of taking any item put in and synthesizing either a new object or an alchemization reagent from it based on the abstract properties of whatever was put in. Several caveats: The result is abstractly based on the level of whatever is put in, so if you want the result to be based on something specific from what is put in find a way to make it more specific.
For example, if one put in the Harry Potter book intending to get something based on Snape, but put in the entire goddamn seven book volume set they may instead get an item like:
Magic Is Real - - A small booklet serving as a one-time use item that when read through allows the user limited use Hope powers, or the capability to imagine things into reality, for a single thread.
So if they instead put in a picture of Severus Snape they may get:
Snapeback Boomerang - - A greasy jet-black boomerang that when thrown becomes an unstoppable projectile that will hit the target once, come back around and hit the user once, and then finally hit the target one last time (this takes 3 turns). Each hit the physical force of the strike increases significantly.
Or if they wanted an alchemization reagent instead of an item:
Lily Eyes - - An emerald green flower that when used in alchemization adds special properties positively related to the color of the flower.
When using this generator, A) clarify if item or alchemy reagent, and B) provide links to the item you are using so I can read up on it if I have no idea what it is.
The Four Humors - 150B Per Pack - A pack of cutely wrapped candy chews that are purported to have temporary mood changing properties (for one thread) when consumed. These candies only work for the purchaser, they do not work for others and become regular candies if eaten by them. Each pack comes with four dime-sized chews of any specified color combination, one of each or whatever else the purchaser desires.
Sanguine Strawberry - Livens mood and makes the user more optimistic and short-term pleasure seeking slash flighty and unreliable.
Choleric Cherry - Makes the user more intense, impulsive, and ambitious, headstrong and more confident (to the point of hubris) in their actions, along with some amount of attention seeking.
Melancholic Mango - Makes the user more withdrawn and inwardly-focused, their determination and focus significantly increase but they become somewhat suspicious and paranoid.
Phlegmatic Papaya - The user becomes more peaceful and content, with a certain amount of precocious wisdom coming to the forefront, but they also become more passive and less likely to actually do anything with their new-found wisdom.
Epilogue - Worse Than Harry Potter's
(Oh snap that burn tho)
The Memetic Mutator - An alchemiter mod left on by The Lady Of The Tower (hint it's Hye-Jin, RIP The Lady Of The Tower) which has the unique power of taking any item put in and synthesizing either a new object or an alchemization reagent from it based on the abstract properties of whatever was put in. Several caveats: The result is abstractly based on the level of whatever is put in, so if you want the result to be based on something specific from what is put in find a way to make it more specific.
For example, if one put in the Harry Potter book intending to get something based on Snape, but put in the entire goddamn seven book volume set they may instead get an item like:
Magic Is Real - - A small booklet serving as a one-time use item that when read through allows the user limited use Hope powers, or the capability to imagine things into reality, for a single thread.
So if they instead put in a picture of Severus Snape they may get:
Snapeback Boomerang - - A greasy jet-black boomerang that when thrown becomes an unstoppable projectile that will hit the target once, come back around and hit the user once, and then finally hit the target one last time (this takes 3 turns). Each hit the physical force of the strike increases significantly.
Or if they wanted an alchemization reagent instead of an item:
Lily Eyes - - An emerald green flower that when used in alchemization adds special properties positively related to the color of the flower.
When using this generator, A) clarify if item or alchemy reagent, and B) provide links to the item you are using so I can read up on it if I have no idea what it is.